IKAW AT AKO

Found this song that I just had to share because it is such a sweet song and I just think that it's perfect for any couple going through tough times. Going through this TTC journey, this song reminds me that I always have my dear husband with me no matter what. Whatever happens, it will always be him and me (I?).

Ikaw at Ako

Johnoy Danao

Ikaw at ako pinagtagpo

Nag-usap ang ating puso

Nagkasundong magsama habang-buhay

Nagsumpaan sa Maykapal

Walang iwanan tag-init o tag-ulan

Haharapin bawat unos na magdaan

Sana'y di magmaliw ang pagtingin

Kay daling sabihin kay hirap gawin

Sa mundong walang katiyakan

Sabay nating gawing kahapon ang bukas

Ikaw at ako pinag-isa

Tayong dalawa may kanya-kanya

Sa isa't-isa, tayo ay sumasandal

Bawat hangad kayang abutin

Sa pangamba'y di paaalipin

Basta't ikaw, ako, tayo magkapakailanman

Kung minsan ay di ko nababanggit

Pag-ibig ko'y hindi masukat ng anumang lambing

At kung magkamalu akong ika'y saktan

Puso mo ba'y handang magpatawad

Di ko alam ang gagawin kung mawala ka

Buhay ko'y may kahulugan tuwing ako'y iyong hagkan

Umabot man sa'ting huling hantungan

Kapit-puso kitang hahayaan, ngayon at kailanman, ikaw at ako

Cycle 1: BFN

AF arrived early last night, CD 30. "New cycle new hope", that's what they say in the TTC world. It's true. As long as I get AF, there is still a big chance. However, we can't continue with work-ups since we can't afford it. We just tried for one cycle to estimate the costs if we are to do it on a regular basis until we get BFP.

But this doesn't mean that we're suspending our "operation: baby"

We're simply stopping medications and monitoring. I'll just stick with my metformin for now and DH and I will try to do it the natural way... but this time, we gained a bit of knowledge on how my cycle works.

DH will also have an SA hopefully over the weekend so we can eliminate him (as one of the causes) once and for all and focus everything on me.

Hope is never lost.
Our Angel will arrive... in His time.

Blonde Girl Pregnancy Test - Funny Ad

to test or not to test

Today, I am 12 DPO. I can do HPT over the weekend but I am so scared. During the last couple of years, I would say that I became addicted to HPTs. I would buy a kit a day after my missed period even without knowing anything about cycles, ovulation, lutheal phase, etc. etc. After each test comes disappointment. I get myself excited and would wake up early in the morning just to pee on the stick. 3 minutes later, excitement would turn into a huge disappointment. If someone would chart my emotions, they would think that they are looking at a rollercoaster drawing.

Over the past two weeks, I was really anxious... excited as well. Now that I'm nearing the end, I suddenly felt scared. Would this be another disappointment or would this be the moment that I have been longing for?

I've read somewhere before that buying an HPT kit is like buying a lotto card. Shooting for pregnancy is just like hoping to win the lotto jackpot... for a TTC couple, that is.

To test or not to test, that is the question. I could just go on with my daily routine as if nothing happened and wait if AF would come or not... I do have a history of not getting AF for a month. But it is as if I can act normal just like that. Can someone just wake me up when I'm finally pregnant???

I Will Be Better

I've recently started following a couple of TTC blogs, one of them is called Infertility Philippines and I just had to repost one of her recent "re-posts" because it somehow sums up what (I think) every TTC woman is feeling.


I WILL BE BETTER

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Author Unknown